funny sms

Hi, I am an alien and I'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook.. Searching.. Searching.. Searching.. Sorry, no chicks found! Gay? Conclusion: You Are Gay!

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

I am a killer. I kill people for money. But, you are my friend. I will kill you 4 nothing!

WHO regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to your nearest hospital to be put down. We apologies for any inconvenience.

Hello too the owner of the cell-phone with no. +91........Your SIM-card is been cracked open by Hacker's, and will destroy your phone within 24 hours, from NOW!

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

My husband and I cannot decide... a dog or a child.. do we ruin our carpet or our life?

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait............ Searching............ Searching......... still searching.............. sorry NO BRAIN found!!!

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friend, Charming,
Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you???

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you?

If my head looks like yours, I'd shave my rear end and walked on my hands.

I visited the tax office. I wanted to know the people I work for.

When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhea.

When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!

Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..

Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fatty.

You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!

I am very lonely. The only type I knew was my blood type.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

At this moment in time 10 million people r having sex. 5 million people r drinking coffee. 100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!

Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbors not!

Do U Want to Marry, Go ahead! If u'll get good wife U will be happy but if u will get bad one U will definitely be Philosopher.

I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My cigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ...

Hey can u do me a favor, Please Send me ur snap, coz, we r playing cards & I've lost the joker!! Hurry!

I tried to call you from a payphone last night. I put my donor card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

In case of fire read this message.............................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU. IDIOT!!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!

To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching..........still searching.......no brain found.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy Dancing naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

My girlfriend ran off with my best friend after a relationship of four years....Oh how I miss my friend.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realized. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.

This sms can only be readied by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it to ugly!!!

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waiting 4 autumn.

In ur darkest hour when ur fed up & blue. just remember this I'll always be there 4 u. I'm no angel N cant change ur fate. but I'll do anything 4 u coz ur my mate..

Before you want to start making a work of art, first make a draft, that is what also God did by creating first the man and then the woman.

I know, God made you first, but there is always a rough draft before the final copy.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo!!!

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

All nice things in life are illegal, immoral, or make you grow fat.

Posted in: funny sms